Just thinking...

I didn't have a treatment this week, and I'm thinking it's too bad because I am REALLY anxious and curious about how this process is going to go.

So far I am sleeping MUCH better than I have in longer than I can remember. Good, sound, restful sleep. I used to feel trashed on Friday nights. I got to thinking, and realized it's Friday and I came home from work and actually did a few things around here without forcing myself because things have to get done. This is weird and different. Frankly, it's almost too good to be true, and I wonder if I am going to wake-up (ha ha ha) and find I'm dreaming. Or, that this is a temporary benefit.
Do I dare get happy?

Another very positive change is that I don't CRAVE food like I have especially in the past couple of years. When my husband, Chuck was diagnosed with Lymphoma in January 2008 I did something I have never done before: I found that it helped my anxiety level to eat extra stuff. I do think it got me through a hard time more easily, but the snacking has become a habit. I guess kind of like how some people are stressed and one drink or one cigarette does really help at the time. But...then before it (especially with the cigarettes) before you know it you're a pro.

When my son was about 15 he was very angry because of his dad's behavior, but naturally I'm the one who experienced his fury. He tore up the refrigerator (Long story, not needed here) and after YEARS of not smoking I bummed one off a friend. I hadn't smoked since before Brady was born, but one is all it took. The next day I stopped on the way to the airport to pick up a friend and bought a pack and a lighter.

All this to say is that the snacking kind of started he same way. In the past week or so I don't feel hungry, and I don't feel the need for "something sweet" or "something salty and crunchy." Man, I'm seriously hoping this really kicks in and I get my rear in gear and use the walking DVD I bought, or the gazelle glider I've had for years (I used this up until about 6 months ago when I got caved in to lazy.) and the twister exercise thing that is a snap to use if I'd just do it.

So, there you have it. I'm sleeping better and do not dread bedtime as I have for years. I look forward to going to bed because it means rest instead of frustration.